DISCLAIMER: Catherine Marshall's beautiful story of Christy is owned
by the Marshall-LeSourd Family, L.L.C. We are in no way seeking profit
or credit for her story. We are continuing the story of Christy for our
own amusement only

 

That Kind of Fool

 

By: Jill Wanner

Chapter 1*

I sighed as I hung my head. David paced back and forth in front of me.

"And you just.....just.....expect me to accept this? He stammered". I proclaim my love to you, and you tell me this?" He asked angrily.

"I'm sorry, David, but would you rather of me have not told you and kept you wondering? Really, you must of had some hints - you tried so hard to keep me near your heart, so there would be no chance of me wandering -"

"So what happened?" He commanded loudly"

"You aren’t the man that I need, and because of that, you couldn’t hold my heart." I said quickly, biting my lip, waiting for his reply.

"But MacNeill can?" David retorted.

I sighed again. Why was this so difficult? David had proposed to me months ago. I had gave him the answer no, but it wasn’t good enough for him. Now here we are, 6 months later, and he is asking me yet again. I wished desperately that Neil would storm into the room and save me from this torture! But at the same time, it might be better that he stay as far away from here right now as possible.

Neil was now a free man - Margaret had died 5 months earlier. I was now starting to admit my feelings for Neil to myself, and somehow, managed to get myself caught in this mess by sharing with David.

"Christy, why do you love him? David asked bitterly. “All he ever did was walk all over you, anger you, tease and yell - why do you love him when you can’t love me? I'm the one who was always there to listen to you, who you felt comfortable to vent to, who desperately loved you"

"No you weren't David. You never wanted to talk - and that's what I always needed. You wanted to pull me close when I wanted to look straight into your eyes and share my pain. Neil understood that - he did it."

"And so once again he is the hero?"

"David - you knew my answer 6 months ago - why are you taking it so hard now?"

"Because I know now, that I've been refused for that Low Life!"

"Neil is not a Low Life!"

"He's a mountain man, Christy! Do you really expect him to understand you?"

"Are you putting these people down now? Oh, that's right- you don't even think that these people have souls to save!"

"When it comes to MacNeill - I still don't." David answered bitterly.

"Neil came to God months ago - you just refuse to see that." I said.

"Because he came to God for you and for no other reason." David said.

"No he didn't!" I replied.

"David, you would know this if you would allow him to talk to you. You're suppost to put your job before your personal affairs - this included."

"Like how you put your job first, when you decided to go for a walk with the Doctor in the moonlight at midnight and nearly got fired?"

"How could you say that?"

"Because you think............-"

"How would you know what I think?"

"Good Lord, woman - you can be stubborn sometimes!"

"So why do you want to marry me? Don't think that I can’t see right through you!"

"I can go to Boston any day and pick up a girl - so obviously you can’t."

"If you can do that - why didn't you already?"

The battle raged on until Miss Alice came home a few minutes later to stop our pettiness. Why did it always seem like we were siblings that couldn't get along unless our mother came to correct us?

**********************************************************************

"What's wrong?" Neil asked. It was later that day, and indeed, Neil had come and rescued me from David's fury. We were now walking along the river, and I was still trying to calm down. Anger stirred in me, and Neil could detect it.

"David."

"Now what did he do?"

"Proposed."

"But you told me that you gave him an answer the last time."

"I did! I told him no, and he took it alright. But now..."

"Now what?"

"Now he...knows the reason why I said no."

"Because you don't love him?" Neil said, as if it was apparent enough.

"That and more."

"Care to go on?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

I looked into the river, trying not to face Neil.

"Because...he now knows...that I..." I kept stumbling. I took a deep breath and let it out. "He now knows that I don't love him because I love someone else."

"And who might that be Lass?" Without even looking, I knew that his eyes were twinkling with delight.

"I rather not say, if it's alright with you."

"Oh...alright."

****************
Weeks passed. David hated going anywhere near me, and Neil hated being away. Neil and I grew closer as we found any reason to be together. It was nice that school was in session, because he was now able to come often to help teach. David looked upon that and scorned.

"I want to thank you for all you're doing. Chemistry is really hard for me...it's just a big help to have you here so often." I said as we walked out of the school house. School had just been dismissed, and Neil had just finished with his class.

"My pleasure, Miss Huddleston." He replied with a grin.

"Christy, Christy come quick!" I heard Miss Alice say. She looked scared, which frightened me as well. I glanced at Neil worriedly, then ran for the mission.

Miss Alice held out the receiver when I reached her. Neil stood close by me.

"Hello?" I asked shakily.

"Is this Miss Huddleston?" A man's voice came on the other end.

"Yes it is."

"I'm Doctor Brant and-"

"What's wrong with my parents?" I rushed ahead.

"It's your mother. She's having a lot of heart problems."

"Will she be okay?"

"Honestly - I can not tell you that. She's not getting any better, though we put her on several different medications."

"Is she at the hospital?"

"For the past week and a half - yes."

"Tell her I'm on my way."

I didn't even wait for a goodbye. I rushed upstairs, threw some clothing and notepads in a satchel, and ran back down stairs. I put on my coat, said a quick goodbye with no explanation, then got on Prince and galloped away. About 10 minutes later, I realized that I was being followed. I turned in my saddle to see who it was - Neil coming up fast on Charlie.

"What are you doing?" I yelled back, fighting the noisy wind in my ears.

"Are your parents okay?"

"My mother isn't. She's having heart problems, and Dr. Brant is worried. I have to go to Asheville."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"You have to stay here for your own patients - they can't spare you."

"But if-"

"I'll be alright."

We were soon at the station. I was late for the train, but managed to get on just in time. I chose a window seat where I could see Neil.

"Christy...Christy, I got to tell you something." I heard him yell faintly. I opened my window.

"What?"

"I love you!"

I smiled. " I know that."

"And I want you to marry me."

But this came as a shock. I had little time to answer - the train started chugging forth. In excitement, I leaned out the window to see Neil, who was running alongside the train.

"Please say yes. Say that's why you told Grantland no!" He pleaded with tears in his eyes.

"It is! And I will marry you!" I yelled with a giggle. I was stunned when I heard cheers from behind me - coming from other passengers.

"Then look in your bag. I love you, good luck."

The train was going too fast now, and Neil couldn't keep on. I waved to him with a big smile, then shut the window. Curious, I turned to my bag and opened it. There, sure enough, was a little black velvet box right at the top. I wondered when he could have put it in there. Then I remembered that I had put my bag down at the bottom of the stairs, right next to Neil, while I rushed to get in my coat. He had about a split second, but that must be when he did it. With a big smile on my face, I opened the box to see a gold band, with a set in sparkling sapphire in the middle. Excited, I quickly slipped it on - it was a perfect fit.

*******************************************
Chapter 2**

I saw my father sitting by my mother's bedside, tears in his eyes, as he was reading her the bible when I walked in. I went up to him, placing my hand gently on his shoulder.

"How is she?" I whispered. He turned, a small smile dawning on his face.

"I'm so glad you're here, Girlie. Your mother is asleep, but I cant say much about her medical condition." He said in a whispered voice.

I looked at my mother's face, and seen her eyes start to flutter open.

"Christy?" She asked weakly.

"I'm here momma. I came as fast as I could from Cutter Gap."

"Oh, Christy dear, it's so wonderful to see you again. Please, come sit by my side."

I walked around the bed and sat on the bed. My mother took my hand between her two and kissed it.

"I have missed you so much. Oh Christy, I have been so worried about you lately."

"Momma, please don't worry about me - I'm doing just fine."

"I mean your marital status and wealth. I'm so afraid that we're going to leave you, and you'll have no money or no one to be there with you. I worry so much about my little girl, especially the last couple of days. I wish you could have married Eric Vanderbolt - he was such a nice boy, and I never had to worry if you'd go hungry."

I rolled my eyes. Here she was in a hospital bed thinking about my social status? "I should say not - he's the heir of the richest man in 4 states."

"I wish you could have taken my advice - you were so close to marriage with him."

I sighed upset. I hated this subject, though it was one of my mother's favorites. Whenever I did anything wrong or was upset, Eric's name would pop up. Eric is my ex-fiancé, that I had kept a secret from everyone in the mountains. I broke up with him the morning I left for Cutter Gap. Never once had I regretted my choice - especially lately - but at this moment, I never had regretted anything so much in my life.

*******************************************
I knocked wildly on the Vanderbolt door until the butler opened it.

"Yes ma'am?" He asked stiffly, but I just pushed passed him and ran inside, to the middle of the huge room. My heels clattering on the marble floors, I looked around me, but I didn't see Eric.

"Excuse me ma'am but you can’t just go barging in like that. I must ask you to-" The butler began, but when I turned to him and smiled, he realized who I was and his words stopped dead in their tracks.

"Oh, it's you, Miss Huddleston. I must say that I was having a wretched day so far, but when you came barging in, you made it TERRIBLE!" He mocked me.

I smiled weakly. “Well, I was always one of your biggest fans too." I said sarcastically. "Where's Eric?"

"What business do you have with him now? Not satisfied with ruining his life once?"

"Please, he has girls flocking all over him constantly - I'm sure he wasn't that broken hearted." I said, starting to roll my eyes when I seen Eric descending down the stairs.

"Hello Christy, what brings you here? Aren't you suppost to be in the mountains?" He said, not sure how to take my presence in his home.

"Eric, you heard about my mother, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"She's why I'm here - in Asheville and in your house. Please, I need a really big favor of you."

Just then, I heard the butler snort.

"Alright - two of them", I said. "One - get that wretched butler of yours out of here so I can actually talk!" I yelled, pointing at him. He stuck his nose in the air and walked off."

"Continue." Eric urged.

"And um...Eric, I talked to the doctors, and they told me with all honesty that...that they think my mother probably wont make it. I want to please her now more than ever, and to do that, I need your help. Please - my mother wants me to marry into...well, you're money."

"She singled me out again?" A smile came across his face.

"Of course. Eric, she really wants me to marry you, and I've been thinking...could we pretend to be engaged? Just for a little while - until she...you know, or gets better." Even the words stuck in my throat, To think of my mother as dying, was beyond comprehension for me.

I heard the butler start to laugh hysterically, and I bent down to grab the heel of my shoe, when Eric grabbed my arm.

"No throwing shoes at my butler, Christy!" Eric laughed. I straightened up.

"Well, he deserves it. But Eric..."

"No, I can’t."

"Please?"

"No."

"Why not? You wanted to marry me before - isn’t this...better than nothing?"

"Christy, what kind of fool do you think I am? I'm not playing a game that I know I cant win. And how could you just come knocking on my door after you told me that you don't need me anymore? Why should I go throwing my good heart out of the window again? Why? Christy - I learned my lesson, and I'm certainly not falling for you all over again."

"No Eric - you don't need to - it's just pretending -"

"I understand that, but you don't understand me. You cant just mess with my emotions, Christy. If I pretend to be engaged with you, then I'm going to fall in love with you all over again, and I just now got over you!"

"Well, you cant fall in love with me - I'm already engaged."

"Good - so have your fiancé get down here."

"He cant - my mother likes him - but he has no money, and that's not what's going to make her happy right now."

Eric took hold of my left hand and looked at the ring. He let out a low whistle.

"You say he doesn’t have any money? This ring looks very expensive."

"It's passed down. Please Eric, for me, do this. I beg of you - I never asked you to do anything for me -"

"Except to free you from our engagement."

"Now Eric - you know that was both of our decision."

"Was it? You're the one who got on that train."

"And you're the one who wouldn't accept my decision because of your status. You told me that you wouldn’t have any fiancé of yours going up to such a God-forsaken place, and if I was to get on the train, it would be without your ring."

"Thank you, Christy, but I remember the scene quite well."

"Eric...please?"

Eric looked away, taking in a deep breath. Then, he stared into my eyes and nodded.

"Alright - but only for a little while."

The butler came back into the room. “She really knows how to pull one over you, doesn't she? And the worse part is - you fall for it EVERY time!"

"Shut up, Louis, and get out of here." Eric said annoyed. Eric placed something in the palm of my hand.

"Here, you're going to need this to make our story believable." He said. I turned over my hand and opened it. There, I found my old engagement ring. I looked at the familiar object and smiled as it brought back memories. It was a silver ring, with three diamonds shimmering in it. I pulled off Neil's and stuck it in my pocket, then put on my old one.

"It still fits perfectly." I said, lost in memory. Eric smiled, taking my hand and admiring the ring.

"It was made for you to wear."

"Eric, this is for pretend only - nothing more - please don't forget that. And one more question - why was this in your pocket?"

"I always keep it around."

"Why?"

"It's part of you. A connection to my loved one."

*******************************************************
Once I got home, I went straight to my room and slipped Neil's ring into the box. Opened, I set it on top of my bureau. Already, I missed Neil so much. I couldn't help feel guilty for what I was doing. Was it moral of me? Probably not - but was morals more important, or making my mother happy before she takes her last breath?

"Eric, are you home?" I yelled, right below his bedroom window. It was the next day, and I was headed to the hospital. He peeked out his head.

"Be right down." Eric said, all to willingly.

Once Eric met me, he asked where we were going.

"To see my mother of course. If I have to pretend to be engaged,
she might as well know it!"

***********************************************
Needless to say, my mother was ecstatic with the news. I felt a pang of guilt, lying to my mother, but I really wanted to make her happy and Neil happy at the same time - I certainly wasn’t going to hurt Neil- he was completely innocent in this. My emotions battled each time I seen Eric's and my mother's face. How could I pretend to be his fiancé when I could barely stand to look at him, much less into his eyes?

******************************
"How about we tell my mother now? We cant just tell yours, it will make it unbelievable. Besides, your mother is going to brag to anyone who comes into her room." Eric said on his way back. But I wasn’t listening, just dreaming about the mountains as I stared at them, right in front of me. Some where in those mountains Neil was riding about, off to heal the wounded or sick mountain folk. David was going around preaching or fixing, and Miss Alice was spreading her gracefulness every where. And some where, or should I say every where, Ruby Mae was going around spreading the latest news about my engagement to Neil - a real engagement.

"Christy - can you hear me?" Eric asked, waving his hand in front of my eyes. I snapped back into reality and smiled at him sheepishly.

"Sorry, I miss Cutter Gap already."

"I cant imagine why - it's made up of nothing more than dirt and poverty."

"That's where you're wrong - it's made up of love and strong bonds - it's filled with faith and hope-"

"And feuding and killing."

"See - that's everyone's problem! Everyone here wants to see the bad side of it - make it out like it's some terrible place to be, but if they'd just give the cove a chance, I'm sure they'd fall in love with it like I have."

"Did you fall in love with Cutter Gap...or just a man in it?"
I laughed. " Both."

"Eric, Christy, you'll never believe what I just heard!" Eric's mother, Carolina came running out to us. "Mary told me that your mother told Angela, who told Kerrie, who told Lori, who just called me that the two of you were engaged - again!" She said as if it was humorous. I sighed, looking up at Eric. He smiled.

"I told you that you're mother would tell everybody."

"Well, I suppose you can tell your mother. I gotta go-" I said, quickly starting to walk away when Eric grabbed my arm.

"Oh no you don't! You got me into this, and you're going to stick by me!"

***********
"You okay, Girlie? Seems like a lot has been happening, and we havent been able to see much of each other." My father said when I returned home that night after talking to Mrs. Vanderbolt for hours. I shrugged.

"I'm fine, Daddy."

"How is your engagement coming?"

"Quite well, I suppose."

"You suppose?"

I got worried. Could my father see right through me? No, certainly not! If no one else could - he couldn't...could he?

********************************************************
"Christy, where are you?" Eric yelled, bursting through the doors downstairs the next morning. I rushed out of my room.

"I'm right here, what's wrong?"

"My mother is planning a celebration for us tonight - hope you're up to it."

"What? For you to show me off? I'm never up to that."

"For once in my life I wish I didn’t have to show you off, so don't flatter yourself."

"Anything wrong?"

"Yeah - try you just turned my life upside down."

"Think of it as payback."

****************************
The party was wonderful - but I hated it. It was living a lie, and that just made me feel so much worse. Telling a lie was going to get me in a lot of trouble - that I knew. Just look at what happened when Bessie told one small lie - I almost lost my job. So what would happen with this lie? I wasnt in a hurry to find out - that was for sure.

**********
Chapter 3***

 

Weeks passed by. Eric always stayed close to my side, and I began to wonder if he was just acting, or it was something more. My mother stayed in the hospital. I visited her three times a day, and stayed for a few hours each time. I could see with each passing day her strength grow weak. I was so worried for her - and it soon became apparent that she wasn't going to make it.

One day, my father called me up from the Vanderbolt residence, where I was eating with Eric. He told me to rush to the hospital before it was too late, then hung up, not letting me ask any questions. Eric came with me, and I watched as my mother slowly slipped away before my eyes. I clung to my father as Eric kept his arm around me for support. In between the two men, I stood crying as the doctor announced the time of death.

*****************
I didnt know how I would have made it if Eric had not been there to support me in the following days. I was so devastated, and completely lost. I barely knew what was going on around me. I cried all night, and wandered in a fog by day. My father was taking the news a bit better than I, but he needed his space, so I left the house for a couple of hours during the day with Eric, then returned at supper time to either cook for my father, or Eric and I would take him out to a restaurant.

I went to my room and paced in it, staring at Neil's ring that seemed to haunt me. I couldn’t believe that he had no idea what I was doing - that he was still in the dark. He wrote me a few times, and called four times, but I never answered his phone calls, nor did I write him back even once. I looked down at Eric's ring, and a sudden anger rose in me. I walked over to my bureau, and slammed the palm of my hand down as hard as I could on the Neil's ring box, snapping it shut. From the intensity, the black velvet box fell to the floor and tumbled underneath the bureau,  where it stayed.

****************************************************************
A week after my mother's funeral, I was over at Eric's house, and had other things on my mind. Mrs. Vanderbolt brought the phonograph down from the attic, and her son and I went whirling around the ball room in hopes of getting my mind off of my grief. For most of the time, Eric was unsuccessful. But when the song ended, and Eric leaned down to kiss me, it sent me into a whirlwind, and all of my thoughts were scattered. As soon as Eric let me go, I ran to the marble steps, and buried my head into my knees, using my arms as an aid to hide the sides of my face. I sobbed loudly, uncontrollably. Eric came over and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, but I shoved it away with force.

"Christy, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? I'm engaged to Neil, and...and..."

"And what?"

"And I'm in love with you."

Frantic, I tried to take Eric's ring off, but it wouldn’t budge - it was stuck, just like me.

***************************************************************************************************
I went home late that night - though I spent most of the night by myself, walking the streets. I was restless. Finally, when I thought I could find sleep, I went home to bed - I was successful in falling asleep, just not for long.

"Neil! Neil!" I screamed, sitting straight up in bed. I kept screaming his name until I was awake enough to realize that I had seen him in a dream, and nothing more. I brushed away a few stray tears. I looked across the room and seen that it was three in the morning. I laid down, and prayed that I could fall asleep again.

********
Chapter 4****

 

I stood on the ridge over looking the mission. It was cold, and close to night time. Facing everybody would not be easy - I'd be lying to them the whole time. Yet, I knew I had to do it - Eric said so. Taking a deep breath, I took off Eric's ring, and put on Neil's for the first time in over a month. I put Eric's ring on my ring finger on my right hand. Gripping the satchels tightly, I took one last deep breath, then started walking down the hill towards the place that I once had called home.

************************************
Things went quite well for a while. Neil was gone - he was off on  medical emergencies that he needed to take care of in Raven Gap, and would be there for near a week. I prayed that it would be at least that long - I was going to make everything right here, then leave. I held out hope that I could do that without seeing my ex -fiancé who didn’t even know he went by that title.
I was in the dining room with David and Miss Alice, laughing tensely about a humorous story that David was telling, when Neil walked through the doorway. I immediately stopped laughing, and became completely serious when I looked at him. It was then that I realized that my conscious would not allow me to look Neil in the eye. And - I couldn't blame my conscious for not letting me.
"Christy! Oh, it's so great to see you!" Neil exclaimed, rushing over to my chair. He knelt down in front of me and cupped both of my hands in his.

"I have missed you so much!" He whispered. I looked away.

"What's wrong? Is it about your mother? I heard the news." He asked worriedly.

"My mother died - yes." I said, though not giving him a straight answer.

"Are you alright?"

"Not really."

"Look at me, Christy."

But I couldn't. Tears sprang to my eyes at the differentness of me. If this had been a few months ago, I would have leapt into his arms already. But now...

"Please Neil, don't bother with me right now."

"If there's something wrong-"

"There is, and I want to just be left alone!" I yelled. Neil looked at me in shock. For the first time, I looked him in the eye accidentally. I knew immediately that this was a mistake, because Neil's eyes grew big, like he had revealed my secret. It was as if he got a peek at my soul and had at least a hint of what I was trying so desperately to hide. Scared that this was true, I turned and ran up the stairs and into my room, letting everyone give Neil looks of blame..

********************************
It was Christmas, and everyone was excited. Ruby Mae came back from her multiple sleep overs the night before, and we all played games together and had as much fun as my guilt filled heart would let me. Unfortunately, that wasn’t saying much.

Now, we all sat around the tree in the parlor as we opened gifts. But I couldn’t tell if David was excited because it was Christmas, or because I was back. He wouldn’t take his eyes off of me. Of course, the dress that I was wearing might have encouraged that. Eric had given me an early Christmas present - this dress. It was red, long, and had short, odd looking sleeves. He got me a pale green blue shawl with long fringe to go over my shoulders. He had given me a necklace that had diamonds decorating it, and dangling diamond earrings that completed my look. I was so wrapped up in the holiday mood, that I was completely unaware of someone else staring at me longingly...sadly...never, even for a moment, taking his eyes off of me. Neil had slipped into the mission unnoticed, the way he wanted it. He watched, and he knew. He knew that my attitude for him and Cutter Gap was more than just because my mother had passed away - it was because of him. He had figured it out. He was the one that caught onto all the little hints - hiding my hand that bore his ring and showing off the one with Eric's, I'd close up whenever he was around, and so many other things that I had did, most I did, well aware of what I was doing. Neil kept staring longingly, knowing that he might not be able to see me again the next time I leave, which could be any day. He looked at my hand with his ring on it and made a pained _expression. He looked at my hand with Eric's ring, and wiped away tears.

"Blast that fool. Grantland don't even have a clue yet." He whispered.

As he walked out as silently as he came, he added

"And I lost her - for good this time."

***************************************
The next day was the day that true finally forced it's way to the surface. I could no longer go on acting like everything was just fine. It was soon apparent that Neil couldn't either.

David was busy cracking jokes, making Ruby Mae and I giggle hysterically, when Neil came in the mission. A blank and serious stare came over me, and I looked the opposite direction, until I realized that Neil was coming towards me. He grabbed my arm and stood me up, staring me straight into my eyes, forcing me to look back into his.

"We have to talk." He demanded.

"No! Let go of me!" I screamed, trying to rip my arm out of his grasp, but found it impossible. "Let go!"

"Not until we talk. Now, I want to know what is wrong with you. I thought that it was because of your mother's passing, but it's not - it has nothing to do with that, does it? This is about me. Me and our engagement. Or aren't we engaged anymore in your eyes?"

"Neil, thee should not accuse Miss Huddleston for such things!" Miss Alice stepped in. I glared at Neil, angry at him because ...because...because why? Had I not said before that he was innocent in all this? I was to blame - so why was it me angry at the innocent instead of the opposite? I had started out, thinking of Neil as my absolute hero - now he was the worst man on earth, and my complete enemy. What had happened? And what did I get myself into? I was engaged to two men at the same time - Eric had proposed to me just before I left. I remembered back...

"Christy, you realize that your mother is in heaven, don't you?" Eric had asked as we sat on a bench in his back yard. I nodded.
"Of course."

"Then you realize also that your mother can see you? Can see what you are doing?"

The thought hit me at full force - I had never thought about it that way before. I looked at Eric in shock.

"Christy, I can make an honest woman out of you, so it will look like you never did lie. And I'm the one you love, right?"
Now I stared into Neil's cold eyes and wondered why I had ever done something so stupid. Anger welled up in me until I could no longer hold it in.

"Miss Alice, Neil's right. I've been lying to all of you, knowing that you wouldn't catch on. I refused to look Neil in the eye because I knew that he's the only one that would figure it out. I made a mistake, and Neil was able to put two and two together. In my eyes, I'm not engaged to Neil anymore-"

"Why?" Miss Alice exclaimed.

"That's not the worse part. It's because I'm engaged to another - a man from Asheville."

I looked at Neil again and seen fire in his eyes.

"How could you?" He said lowly, full of anger.

"I don't know."

"Don't say that - be a woman and tell me the reason!"

"Because I love him."

"Before you left, you loved me."

"Well I don't anymore, and you have to accept that."

"You're not Christy, you know that? You're Margaret! You're just another Margaret that I fell for blindedly. Somehow she never dies - just keeps coming back to haunt me. Now she even took over you. Well, you're dead to me, woman!"
That hurt me, but I refused to show that I was weak. I blinked back my tears and shot back -
"It's no wonder that Margaret left you! Finally, I can understand her! I think I would have faked my death too if I was married to such a man."
I winced. What was I doing?

"Fine, go marry the thief that stole you away from me, I don't care. But remember this - you leave, and you NEVER come back. Don't even think of coming up here to show off your new foolish husband, or any of your bratty children. I never want to see your face again!" He stormed. I swallowed hard as I took off his ring and shoved it in the palm of his hand, then turned and ran to my room. I grabbed my unpacked satchel, ran back down the stairs and out of the house, ignoring everyone, and even shoving Neil out of the way, who said nothing.

"Christy, where is thee going?" Miss Alice yelled at the door.

"I can’t stand to stay here a second longer!"

"Don't be foolish, it's 10 o'clock and pitch dark out there. Come back and you can leave in the-"

But Neil stopped her, putting up his hand.

"She wants to go so badly...let her go."

*********************************************
"Here Daddy, I brought some things from home." I said, putting down a card board box in front of my father, who sat in a chair, staring out the window. We had moved into the Vanderbolt residence a few days after I came back from Cutter Gap. It was now 3 weeks later, but the argument that I had with Neil seemed still so fresh in my mind that I could remember every hateful word that was shared. My father looked down at the box and nodded - he talked so little lately that it scared me. I buckled my napsack that hung on my shoulder and left the room, climbing up spiral stairs to get to it. There, I pulled down the small door in the ceiling, put my hands firmly on two handles on the floor of the attic, and pulled myself up, using the wall as an aid. I was suppost to use a ladder, but it took so long to get it up here that I rather do it this way. Up in the attic, was my own personal writing desk. I loved this room, because from the desk, I could look out the window and see my mountains. There was also a window seat that I stayed on nearly all night, since I barely ever slept. Sleep was impossible - every time I closed my eyes I could see Neil's face and the pained _expression that he wore in our last argument.

To fill in all the extra time I had, I took stories that I had written when I was 16, and began to send them out to publishers after sprucing them up. I was determined to make my school children proud of me and give them a good name. It was the least I could do after I so selfishly walked out on them.

I wanted to help the mission too, and so before I knew it, I was drawing all of the time - selling paintings and sketches of the Great Smokies and sometimes the people in it. I painted many with Neil in them, and many of my sketches were of him too. The stories that I wrote now were about the cove, my hardships there, and all the wonderful people that I had met, disguising that I was talking about Cutter Gap and making my stories fall into fiction.

I did this constantly - I wanted to help the mission - I felt that I still had promises that I seemed to bare, and I wanted to carry them out.

When Eric forced me to come down during the day, after I had as little as 2 hours of sleep, I wouldn’t waste my time simply talking to him. While Eric repeated over and over again that my mother would be happy, and what she would've thought if I had went back to Asheville, I wrote. I wrote to churches, medical colleges, everywhere I could think of, asking them if they'd help out with the mission. After all, now that I was no longer working there, I could ask - Doctor Ferrand could no longer hold my job over me.

I was appreciative that Eric didn’t mind, but I wasn’t appreciative of the way he was towards me. When I first came back from Cutter Gap, Eric did everything with me. We went ice skating, parties and balls, and millions of social advents that I classified as ‘ a waste of time.' But as long as I had Eric, I didn’t mind where we went. But now, Eric filled his days with nothing but business work. I seen him an hour or two a day, and the rest of the day he was out. I didn’t mind of course, I was busy anyways. But the more time we spent apart, the more the truth unraveled inside of me.

************************************************************************
"Daddy! Daddy, they published my story about the highlanders!" I exclaimed, running into his room. My father smiled.
"Which one? All of them are about the highlanders!"

I smiled sheepishly. "I write what I know, and there's not many things that I really know about like I do about Cutter Gap. Besides, it's always on my mind."

"As I am aware of!" He chuckled. "So how many stories of yours have been published within the last month and a half?"

"Six. I need to buy some copies so I can send them to Cutter Gap."

" You're lucky Eric is a rich man, or we'd all be living in a poor house by now! How many copies do you send up there?"

"Seventy one."

I couldn't help it - 71 copies of each book was the limit. I needed one for each student to have his own, I got one for Fairlight, the mission, and Neil, trying to get him to stop being angry with me. I knew Neil well, and knew that he was still mad. And why shouldn't he be after what I did to him?

"Girlie, you need to stop this." My father's voice broke into my thoughts. I turned my head to see him.

"Hmm?"

"I know."

"Know what?"

"Everything. I know how you were engaged to the doctor, and you came here and started pretending to be engaged to Eric. And I realized that Eric had quite an impact on you - he lied to your face, and you believed him. Don't think that I didn’t notice how you shined when you seen Neil's ring on your bureau, then suddenly one day it disappears. I know that you went back to Cutter Gap to break up with Neil, and that's when your engagement to Eric really began."

My eyes flew open wide.

"Did mother know?" Was the first thing that flew out of my mouth.

"No, she hadn't a clue. But I know my girlie well, and I knew what you were up to. And I realize why you did that, and why you are engaged to this man now. Christy, Eric is rich, that's for sure. He's also handsome, popular, and very high in society. But is that what you want? Eric is a con artist - he can lie while he's staring into your eyes and make it believable - that's what he's been doing. But your Doctor MacNeill is different. He's not rich, has no connections or family, but he loves you with all of his heart. That was very apparent when I was in Cutter Gap. His eyes glowed with his love, Christy. Now, before you go on with any more of your wedding plans, I think you need to snap out of your fantasies that every thing will be like in a fairy tale and depression that was enforced by your mother's death, take a step back, and see if this is really what you want. You need to decide between comfort and love."

"Thank you daddy." I whispered with tears in my eyes. I would think about it, but though my father knew a lot about what was going on, he hadn't a clue on what I had said to Neil, and what he had said to me. Even if I was to choose Neil, I couldn't go back to him. And now, it wasn't just my pride that stopped me.

******************************************************************
That night, I fell asleep in the attic at my window seat, which had become quite a habit. I stared at the mountains until I could no longer. I fell asleep to Neil's heart wrenching stare at me, my heart not letting me forget what I had done.

I had a wonderful dream - it was about Neil. We were in his cabin. Neil had a dozen red heads crawling, clawing, and wrestling with him. Neil laughed as he played along, having a wonderful time. I stood and watched in longing, just like had when he watched me on that Christmas day, until I realized that something was wiggling in my arms. I looked down to see a little red head baby, just a few months old, giggling up at me. I smiled, until I saw Neil walking up to me proudly, a grin spread wide on his own face.

"He's beautiful." Neil whispered. I nodded in agreement. Neil touched my chin lightly, making me look at him.

"I love you with all my heart, Christy. I'd be completely lost with out you." He said, then bent down to kiss me. Warmth flowed into me, until I awoke and seen that it was merely a dream. Then the warmth was gone, and sobs overtook my body, until the words of my father came back to me. He had said that Eric was lying to me. He was deceiving me, guilting me to try and keep me. I had been fooled. Fooled into thinking that this man loved me when he didn’t. He had changed, and I barely even knew him now. The question of ..what have I done?' came back at me with full force, as I lowered myself out of the attic, and made a wild dash for Eric's bedroom. I burst through his door, anger welling within me, exploding out through my words.

"You deceived me! You don't love me, you love my title and status! You fooled me into believing that you loved me - and I fell for it!" I yelled. Eric bolted upright in bed, his eyes half open.

"What?" He asked, clueless.

"You...de...ceiv...ed...me! I said slowly but louder.

"How?"

"That's what I would like to know- how could you? Do you know what you did to me? I believed in you and all of your words. I trusted you to not take advantage of me! And to think that I have been the fool all along! How dare you use my mother's death as a way to get me? You knew that I wasnt with it, that I felt like I had been casted into the darkness with no where to go and no one to turn to. You took advantage, and made everything so much worse! I promised myself that I would never become one of those mindless girls that fall for the first man she sees because he just mentions the word love to her. I promised myself that I'd be different - I'd marry a man for his honor, decensy, loyalty, trustworthiness, morals...everything that you don't have. Tell me - how did I fall into this trap? And what did you make me do? I cant even think of how much pain Neil must still be going through-"

"Christy, it's been near 2 months now, I doubt he's still angry."

"I know he is, because I know him. Neil had true love for me - and when true love is not reciprocated by the other - it hurts, Eric! And it's not just a passing phase! Of course, how would you know of that? But look what I did because of you! I went to Cutter Gap and wrenched the heart out of the man that I really love. With the words that I used, I killed everything inside of him. And the worse part is - I didn’t even mind. I didn’t care that he was hurt, that he had been hurt before, and now he was living through the nightmare all over again. I didn’t care about his hurtful words towards me, and it's your fault that I turned his life upside down! I cant believe you did such a thing to me, Eric. And I can now understand what Neil is going through - because I never want to see you again either."

*************************
I climbed the familiar porch steps. It felt good to be home. Just the sight of the mission filled me with warmth. How I missed being able to be wrapped within the mountain's beauty! I looked through the window, to see Miss Alice tearfully opening the boxes that I had sent her yesterday, filled with my latest published book, and $250 for the mission that I was able to raise from a painting that I had sold of the mountain scenery.

I looked over to the bunkhouse and knew that it was empty - it was the third Sunday of the month, and David would be at Lufty Branch still, considering the time. I sat on the porch swing that David had made, and stared to my right, to the mountains. And there I sat for near 20 minutes, doing nothing but relaxing, swinging lightly, and letting the tears silently fall freely.

"You're back quite soon, considering that I told you that I never wanted to see your face ever again." I heard a deep Scottish brogue, trying to hide emotion and shock from his voice, come about 8 feet away, near the steps. I shut my eyes, tears coming even worse now. I knew what I had to say to Neil, but where to begin - and what words could I use to say what I feel?

"I'm so sorry Neil. How I could hurt you like that after all you did was offer me your love is still uncomprehendable to me."

"Uncomprehendable to me too - but why are you here? I told you never to come back with that horrible fiancé of yours-"
"He's not my fiancé anymore Neil, and he's not here." I said, refusing to look at him.

"So, you broke your promise to him too? Now Grantland and I can't even feel special anymore - you do this to everyone, don't you?" He mocked. I hated how he was acting, but I knew I deserved it, and any anger that he had towards me had been asked for when I broke up with him.

"Eric deceived me. I blamed him for everything...and yet...it really wasn’t his fault, but mine. Yes, he's the one who told me sweet lies, and took advantage of me when I was weak, but I am still to blame because I fell for it. He's not the one who came up here and yelled at you. He's not the one who came up with the idea of playing house, he's not even as bad as me. I did a terrible thing to you Neil, and I know I deserve your anger, but please Neil, forgive me. I need your forgiveness."

"You want me to forgive you? Now that's a good one. I don't think I can, Christy."

"Please, Neil - I love you-"

"No! Don't you go saying that you love me. If you really did, you wouldn’t have went and broke our engagement so you could have another man. You don't love me, and you don't care - this is just your guilty conscious speaking because you left me with such words."

"No Neil, it isn’t. I do love you, and I'm so sorry. I have no excuses, but you have to understand what I was going through."

"No - you understand what I'M going through!"

“What can I do to change your mind?"

"I don't think there is anything you can do - you did quite enough already."

"Neil-"

"Stop it! Just stop, Christy. You know, I never even seen any of this coming? I was completely lost in your love when I got burned. You hurt me once, Christy, and now I finally learned. So now that I know what your love can do to me - who the devil you think your talking to?"

And with that, he walked into the house. I jumped off of the swing and scrambled as fast as I could inside. By the time I was in, Neil was in the kitchen, the doors open, his back turned to me. I stood in the middle of the dining room, completely helpless. Out of the corner of my eye, I seen Miss Alice coming down the stairs. She stopped when she seen us, and just watched for Neil's next move. I just stood there, watching Neil while I kept thinking - he has to do something sooner or later. He has to say something! He did, but it wasnt until minutes later, which to me, seemed like a dozen eternities. He spun around, and slammed his fist as hard as he could on the door jam.

"God Christy! Why did you have to come back? I was doing just fine with out you!"

"Don't lie, Neil. Thee wasnt even close to being fine." Miss Alice said lightly. Neil looked up with her in scorn.

I just stared at him, tears coming like rivers. My shoulders started to shake as I battled to keep the sobs in. A few moments passed by, and Neil just watched me pitifully.

"I told you that I never wanted to see you again because I knew that if I didn’t say it then, I would never be able to say it." He said so softly that I could barely hear. As I stared in his moistening eyes, I seen that the wall of anger was crumbling. Then suddenly, it came crashing down. With large steps, Neil quickly came up to me, then drew me into an embrace that was so tight, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to breath. Then, Neil put his hand gently on the back of my head and kissed my forehead. By the way he was holding me so tight, I could feel his chest moving quickly, and his breathing get heavy. It was then when I realized that Neil had broken down - he was crying.

"No matter what you do Christy, I will always love you." He whispered. It was at that moment when I understood everything. I came up here, thinking that even though it would take a miracle to get it, I DESERVED forgiveness. I hadn’t learned enough then. I couldn’t demand second chances - especially after how I had treated Neil. So how did I deserve this man? I pushed Neil away from me, and looked him straight in his watery eyes that matched mine.

"No Neil, I was wrong. I don't deserve your forgiveness, or your love, and I certainly don't deserve this - a combination of the two. I'm sorry Neil, I should never have asked you. If you still never want to see me again, I'll understand."

"Christy, I know that I can’t live without you, no matter how hard I might try. I forgive you, Christy."